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Happy Wednesday my people ❤️
"The wound is the place where the light enters you" ~ Rumi
This edition is very special to me.
4 months ago, my previous partner & I decided to split up after 2 years together. It might not sound like much for some people but we both seriously thought we were going to spend our lives together. Wedding rings were being hinted at, family talks were happening, yet here I am... writing this newsletter.
I can honestly say there hasn’t been another time in my life where I’ve shed more tears than in these past months. In fact, I’m kind of tearing up as I write this. But this has also been one of the most important periods of my life. The amount of profound wisdom, self-acceptance, and contrast I’ve gained is beyond words.
I know breakups are one of the most common human experiences, but I also have a feeling that it's particularly hard for men to embrace the healing process. Maybe because we’ve been subconsciously conditioned to see it as a weakness. My purpose today is to provide some hope for those who need it in two ways:
- I want to be as authentic as possible to show we're not alone and that it's okay to feel x.
- I want to share the most important insights I've learned on my own journey so that our breakups could turn into breakthroughs.
Note: Each lesson is meant to be read separately, so some repetition may occur. This writing style is intentional, as each of these lessons will be repurposed into separate YouTube videos & Medium articles. Thank you for your understanding!
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3 Hard Lessons From 100 Days of Heartbreak (How I Got Over My Ex) |
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1- 3 Reasons Why I'm Grateful for My Ex (And How You Can Be Too) |
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"What if it was a mistake?"
"What if she was the woman of your life and you ruined it?"
"It’s all your fault."
"You should have done x."
"It’s because of your stupid [insert your favorite weakness]."
Sound relatable? This is exactly what my mind tortured me with almost every day for months. Thank you, mind.
In my experience, the main reason thinking about the past after a breakup hurts like a b*tch boils down to one thing: regret. Sure, missing someone's presence can also hurt, but that's the type of gentle pain that fades away & leaves you lighter after a good session of crying. Regret is the type of stuff that feels like it's burning your soul.
So, here’s the lesson I found most helpful on my healing journey when it came to regret:
The Power of Contrast
Everybody does the best they can with where they are. There's no f*cking way we could have done anything different than what we did back then based on what we believed in that moment.
If we were able to travel back in time & immerse ourselves in the same state of mind, body & spirit we were in at that moment, we would have done exactly the same thing! That’s why it’s totally unfair to judge our past decisions based on the state of consciousness we’re in right now.
Plus, we wouldn’t even be able to have the perspective we have now without the contrast we've gained from the very experience we regret!
The quality of our lives is perceived through the filter of contrast. You can't appreciate joy if you've never known suffering. You wouldn't know you're alive if there were no death. Perspective is everything, & by definition, it can only be born out of contrast.
Who said life was supposed to be about happiness? We get to be human for a few decades, & then we'll all go right back to where we came from. Why not embrace the full range of the experience while we're here? When I started being grateful for every single experience in my life—the joyful & the painful—simply because of the contrast they provide, is when I unlocked the key to healing.
3 steps to turn your breakup into a breakthrough:
The first few months after a breakup are the greatest moments for you to figure out what you really want out of a relationship, simply because what you don't want is so obvious! The contrast is still fresh! So here's what I did & what you can do too:
1- Write down exactly what you’re looking for in an ideal partner OR what would make YOU the greatest boyfriend or husband you can possibly imagine. That's where you go ALL IN. Standards that are "too high" don't exist with this exercise. We'll figure out what we're willing to compromise later!
Note: make sure to focus on qualities, character traits, values & general vision. Don't go too specific in the details.
2- Start focusing on BECOMING that person. In order for you to attract your ideal partner, you must become that person first! You don't attract what you want, you attract what you are.
Note: there are exceptions to that rule. In order for you to attract a woman rooted in her feminine energy, becoming a feminine man might not be the best solution! Also, the reason I told you to focus on values instead of details in the previous exercise is because you don't want to end up attracting your twin! Again, you need some contrast. Aligned natures is what makes the relationship healthy. Differences in opinions & interests is what makes it exciting!
3- Be patient. It's okay if it hurts, that just means you still have valuable stuff to learn. The pain will leave once it is done teaching you! Plus, the more there’s pain, the more there’s fuel for actual transformation. ❤️
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2- 3 Ways I Got Over My Ex for Good (Without Lying to Myself) |
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"What is she doing right now?"
"What if she's already f*cking other guys?"
"What if someone I know is flirting with her behind my back?"
"Maybe she has already moved on"
"Does she even think about me?"
Sound relatable? This is exactly what my mind violated me with almost every day for months. But guess what? None of that sh*t is in our control!
One thing I realized is that the masculine energy might be good at building, achieving & getting stuff done, but it's horrible at dealing with breakups! We're all out here, struggling to control the situation & find a solution but what we're dealing with this time ain't a project or a goal, it's other human beings! If that woman decides to stay away from you, ain't nothing you can do about it, & trying to force things only ends up pushing her away! Plus, what makes you believe that you know what's best for you anyways? Have you ever heard the story of the farmer?
When a farmer’s horse ran away, his neighbours said, "What bad luck!" The farmer said, "Maybe." A few days later, the horse returned with wild horses. The neighbours said, "What good luck!" The farmer smiled, "Maybe." Later, the farmer’s son broke his leg while trying to ride one of the wild horses. The neighbours exclaimed, "Such bad luck!" The farmer calmly replied, "Maybe." Soon after, the army came to recruit young men but passed over the farmer’s son due to his injury. The neighbours said, "You’re so lucky!" And again, the farmer said, "Maybe."
The power of Radical Acceptance
The point is this: we never really know what's "good" or "bad" for us on the long run. We can only take guesses. To assume we know better than the universe when something happens—whether it’s a breakup, a missed opportunity, or a failure—is like claiming we were there when the miracle of life was created & that we understand all the interconnected reasons why things unfold the way they do.
Breakups truly are a gift, but their packaging is so horrible that most people never get to realize that truth. See, they leave you no other choice but to surrender to the present moment as it is, because the only alternative is suffering.
And it's only when you fully surrender to the wholeness of life—when you’re able to stare directly into the eyes of your darkest demons & STILL feel comfortable—that you unlock the power of unconditional love & unshakeable confidence. This is the gift.
True confidence isn't just about showing your best sides to people; it's about being comfortable with all your sides and barely giving any f*cks if they like them or not!
"The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek" ~ Joseph Campbell
3 steps to move on from your ex for good:
#1- Shift your internal environment: Immerse yourself in teachings of radical acceptance & surrender . Explore books, podcasts, & other resources from authors & speakers who've actually practiced what they preach.
My personal book recommendations: The Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle, Letting Go by David R. Hawkins & Radical Acceptance by Tara Brach
#2- Shift your external environment: Spend more time outside, reconnect with old friends, meet new people, discover new places & immerse yourself in nature.
Approach it like a workout. You might not always want to exercise, but you always feel good about yourself after you do it.
#3- Schedule time to practice radical acceptance: Start by scheduling 15 minutes per day where you sit down, without any distractions, & just take a moment to observe what's happening inside of you in an open & curious way. No judgment, no phone, no headphones, no book, just presence.
As you get comfortable with this practice & uncover its blissful nature, you can start exploring different ways to integrate it into your life.
Remember, healing takes time, & that's okay ❤️
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3- 3 Proven Ways to Move On Faster (And Stop Giving a F*ck About Her New Dating Life) |
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"She's going to find the man of her dreams one day, get married, have kids, & I'll just be one of the forgotten exes from the past"
You ever get that thought after a breakup? Why does that future scenario hurt so much? After all, isn't that the optimal scenario? What would be the alternative? Having a woman that stays stuck on you forever & never lets you enjoy your future relationships in peace. Is that what you want?
Or what about the millions of amazing woman around the world getting married, being happy, having kids, that you don't give the slighest f*cks about? Why is that same thing happening to our ex one of the hardest truths to swallow? Here's the answer I got after meditating on that stuff for months:
The only reason it hurts so bad is because of one word: MINE. The idea of being "replaced" in the mind of someone who once "belonged" to you is what literally feels like death to the ego. It's a total illusion, but we've all been trapped in it at one point or another.
At some point, you might realize you're grieving an idea more than the actual person. It's the idea of "failing" the relationship, of losing significance in the mind of someone who once put you on a pedestal, & of being "abandoned" that hurts the most, even more than actually missing the person. At least it was the case for me. So here’s the one lesson that helped me shift the future from something I dreaded to something I could look forward to:
The Power of Novelty
The speed at which you move on after a breakup comes down to novelty.
That’s why some people, without even being conscious of it, engage in mindless sex, others change their hairstyle, get in shape, start new projects, or go on trips, etc.
Here's another hard truth for you: unless we step into the unknown, our past is basically equal to our future. 95% of our thoughts, feelings, & emotions have been conditioned in the past. And if our actions cannot be greater than the mental-emotional state we're in at this moment, then what makes you think that your future will be any different from the past IF you don't make any conscious effort on your side to change it?
Our only way out is change. Some people never move on, while others heal in just a few weeks—& then there are all those in between. What's the difference? Novelty.
Now here's the best news I have for you today: every single person on this planet is capable of moving on fast, without even needing to completely change the external circumstances of their lives. That's because we've been blessed with the power of VISUALIZATION.
3 steps to move on faster (for your own peace of mind):
Our brains are so objective they cannot make the difference between imagination & reality. Proof: your heartbeat gets faster when you watch a horror movie even if you know it's fiction.
Therefore, we can actually create a NEW reality inside of our bodies before it has even happened in the external world. Once your nervous system is aligned with an intention, your actions will automatically become aligned with that same vision too. This is the real meaning of manifestation. So here's how to do it:
#1- Know Your Outcome. Grab a piece of paper 0r open the "notes" app on your phone, put a 10 minute timer & write down exactly what it would feel like to be completely free from any pain or attachment related to that previous relationship with as many details as possible. What would you ideally experience on a daily basis even if the thoughts of her pop up in your awareness?
#2- Schedule time to meditate a minimum of 1x per day. I cannot stretch the importance of this enough. I've been obsessed with self-improvement for almost 7 years now & I can say with absolute certainty that meditation is in the top 3 of the most impactful habits in my life.
There are countless ways to do it and an abundance of free meditations on the internet, but what's helping me most with the breakup are meditations from Joe Dispenza, which I practice every morning & every evening. You can just type "Joe Dispenza meditations" anywhere, but my current favorite is this one:
#3- Practice radical acceptance. "How comfortable one is feeling their feelings, male or female, is going to strongly dictate how quickly one moves through grief" ~ Dr. Andrew Huberman. You can watch the short youtube video here.
It’s SO important to make space for your emotions to be released. I’m putting extra emphasis on this because I feel like men need to hear it more often: IT'S OKAY TO FEEL X. Your feelings don’t have to define your actions, but you can’t just ignore them or pretend they don’t exist. Conflict avoided is conflict magnified.
Your body is used to feeling grief. It might take time to build new emotional habits in your nervous system, & that’s okay. Be patient.
I truly hope these lessons help you heal faster & suffer less on your journey of recovery
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Remember, as you’re reading this, literally millions of other men are going through the same difficult time. Think about all the greatest hits of all time—more than half of them are about heartbreak. It’s one of the most common human experiences. Billions have gone through it before you, & billions will go through it after you. You’re not alone ❤️ |
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P.S. Whenever you're ready, there are 3 ways I can help you:
#1: If your favourite way to learn is by watching videos, I dive deeper into each one of these principles on my Youtube channel.
#2: If you’re tired of breaking promises, feeling ashamed of yourself, join the #1 Pxrn Addiction Recovery Brotherhood today to break free for good. We’re here, waiting for you on the other side. ✊
#3: If you don't want to be left behind during the digital gold rush, join the Skool Games, where 30.4% of new members make their first $ online. Start your 14-day FREE trial today!
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