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Happy Wednesday my people ✊
"Sometimes you don't realize your own strength until you come face to face with your greatest weakness." ~ Susan gale
I struggled with pxrn addiction for 10 years.
The first time I watched it was at 9 years old. At the peak of it, between the ages of 13 & 15, I was jerking off to pxrn 5x per day on average. It almost feels like I’m talking about a past life now, or a different person, but it’s true. I’ve cheated on girlfriends online, I’ve jerked off in hidden public places like bathrooms, I’ve even bleeded a few times.
Today, I can proudly say that I’ve managed to stay off pxrn for periods of more than a year in a row, to abstain from masturbation for months in a row & even to practice semen retention for a few weeks in a row. As crazy as it sounds, it even kinda feels easy. Let me show you what worked for me.
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3 Lessons I Learned While Healing from Pxrn Addiction |
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1- How I Desexualized My Brain | Dopamine Mastery |
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What is the longest you have ever managed to stay off pxrn? 2 days? 2 weeks? 2 months? 2 years? Did you notice how stuff that should be boring progressively started feeling not as bad as it's supposed to?
I'm a pretty messy person. We're talking piles of clothes on the floor. My parents though it was just a teenage phase, but I'm starting to think it's more of a lifetime phase. With that being said, I remember just "randomly" getting urges to clean my room from time to time. I would even tell my parents to check out my room, proud of my "random" inspiration to clean. Well, turns out that it wasn't that "random" after all. It was actually directly correlated with a specific system in my brain.
To paint a clear picture for you, I want you to remember last time you let yourself indulge in a pretty intense amount of pxrn. What happened after? How did you feel about the idea of studying for your next exam, or doing some cold calls, or cooking a healthy meal? All of a sudden, almost every good thing feels dreadful doesn't it? You're not alone, there's a very specific reason for it. Let me introduce you to...
The Dopamine System
"Dopamine is not about the pursuit of happiness, it is about the happiness of pursuit." ~ Dr. Andrew Huberman
Every action we take is driven by dopamine. Remove dopamine from your brain & you will become no more useful than a carpet. Matter of fact, there was a study done on mice where researchers depleted dopamine levels in their brains. The mice didn’t lose their ability to move or function physically, but they completely lost the motivation to seek out food or engage in activities they would normally pursue. They literally only ate when food was directly placed in their mouths. When researchers placed the food just a few centimeters away, the mice lacked the drive to move toward it & eventually died of starvation.
Moral of the story: dopamine is pretty f*cking important. Learning to become a master at managing levels of dopamine in your brain is a skill that will fundamentally enhance the quality of your life. Dopamine has never been the problem. Matter of fact, it has been conditioned into our brains to drive evolution forward. Progress triggers dopamine. That’s why we feel so happy when we're experiencing personal evolution.
The real problem is CHEAP dopamine. The problem is in the modern lifestyle that makes incredibly high levels of pleasure available with insanely low effort (pxrn, drugs, social media, etc.) That’s when progress starts to feel boring. After all, why would you put so much effort into progress when you could get even more levels of pleasure with way less effort? That’s a very good question, & from a biological perspective, since nature always chooses the path of least resistance, it actually wouldn’t make any sense.
That’s why awareness is our only key out. We have no other choice than to drastically reduce cheap dopamine from our lives. You cannot fight the laws of nature. If you have no desire to do something whatsoever, you won’t do it. The only way you progress is by making it desirable. The only way you make it desirable is by allowing your brain to associate natural levels of dopamine to it. The only way you allow your brain to get back to its natural state is by drastically reducing all cheap & overstimulating dopamine sources.
Not only is your brain naturally wired for success, but you’re also living in a time where the tools to achieve it are more accessible than ever. Yet, it’s also the easiest time in history to do nothing. Your only job is to align yourself with your brain’s natural power & to make its job easier. Do that, & the world is yours. So here's...
How to trick your brain to like doing hard stuff:
1- Make a list of all your pleasurable daily habits. Once it's done, place each one of them on the quadrant of pleasure:
Example for purpose: striving for financial freedom (building a business)
Example for boring: washing the dishes
Example for cheap pleasure: watching pxrn
Example for essential: brushing your teeth
The ultimate goal is to minimize cheap pleasure, maximize purpose, delegate boring & only do what's most essential. But let's focus on the two most important ones right now...
2- Minimize cheap pleasure. Note down how often you tend to engage in each one of these cheap habits (Ex: once per day or once every 3 days). Then triple that time gap & schedule a moment in your calendar where you fully let yourself engage in it. (Ex: if it was once per day, then schedule a moment in 3 days. If it was once every 3 days, then schedule a moment in 9 days, you get the point)
3- Maximize purpose. Fill all those new gaps with purpose. Knowing that you'll be delaying these cheap habits instead of cutting them out "forever", it will be WAY easier for your brain to feel good about implementing purpose habits in between.
Remember, as you progressively widen the gap between cheap pleasures & fill that space with purpose, it will become increasingly easier to delay gratification until you reach a point where it will almost shrinks into irrelevance. That's how you, quite literally, hack the system. Trust the process ❤️
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2- The Dark Side of No Fap (Everything You Need to Know) |
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You're laying in your bed late at night. Thoughts of shame after your last relapse are keeping you wide awake. Filled with regret, you promise yourself to never masturbate or watch pxrn ever again.
You manage to keep your promise for a few weeks, making you feel like the king of the world. With an increase in confidence, energy & courage, you naturally become more attractive to women & your desire for real-life sex goes through the roof.
As you’re talking to women, you realize that it might take more time & effort on your side to actually have sex than what you expected since you’re used to getting high sexual reward with low effort. You also experience the backwards law, which states that the more desperate you are for something, the least likely you are to get it. Your impatience builds up until you end up letting it get to your head one day & you completely lose control, relapsing at the worst time possible. Filled with regret, you promise yourself to never masturbate or watch pxrn ever...
Sound relatable? You're not alone my brother, we've all been there in one form or another! I call it...
The Shame Cycle:
The #1 reason for pxrn addiction is the deadly shame cycle.
You get a small intuition one time that watching pxrn might not be the best usage of your time & energy so you decide to stop. You are quickly hit by the realization that it’s way more difficult than what you thought when you start experiencing strong urges. You eventually let the urges take control of you which makes you feel even more ashamed & disappointed. You do not ever want to experience this again so you swear to never ever watch pxrn ever again! Then, as one would except, you eventually experience very strong urges which make you lose control. And so it goes.
Every time you lose control & break a promise, you are reinforcing the idea that you’re an undisciplined & weak man that cannot be trusted. If you can’t even trust yourself & be in control of your actions, why would anyone trust you? The stronger this self-image becomes, the more likely you are to lose control. The more you lose control, the stronger the self-image becomes. This whole cycle is created because of one fundamental mistake: the "all or nothing" mentality. To avoid getting trapped in that mentality, we must constantly ask ourselves: why do we do what we do? Isn’t it to take back control of our lives, feel better, have more energy, be more confident, gain our self-discipline back, be more creative & be more productive?
Do you absolutely need to “never ever” do it “ever” again to experience those benefits? Couldn’t they be experienced after 14, 10 or even 7 days of semen retention? When has progress NOT happened one step at a time? When has rest & recovery NOT been part of progress? The "all or nothing" mentality is just an unconscious attempt to escape from the pain of responsibility. You lost control, it hurts like a b*tch, & that’s okay. We’ve all been there more times than you can imagine. Embracing it sucks. Pretending like you'll never ever do it again always ends up sucking even more.
It’s time to remember that we don’t need to become the masters of our minds… we already are! Look at your hands. You can move them left & right. You are in control of your hands! You’ve always been the master. You just forgot about it & that’s why the tool has taken over the master. It’s time to embrace that truth, one step at a time, by aligning ourselves with the laws of the universe & playing the game consciously. Intermittent semen retention is the key. So here's...
How to take back control over your life (without lying to yourself):
1- Make a personal assessment.
a) Note down how often you tend to ejaculate on average. (Ex: once every day, once every 4 days, once every week.)
B) Triple that time gap.
C) Schedule that date in your calendar where you can do whatever the f*ck you want with your d*ck. (Ex: if it was once every day, schedule a moment in 3 days, if it was once every 4 days, schedule a moment in 12 days). In all cases, make it achievable enough so that you know you'll keep your promise but uncomfortable enough so that you know it's going to challenge you.
2- Turn it into a game.
Make it a non-negotiable to avoid ejaculation until that moment & notice what happens. Make it a challenge just like that one time you ran your first 5km/10km without stopping, or when you took your first cold shower/cold bath, or when you set a timer & worked for 90 minutes straight on a project you were procrastinating for days. If you haven’t done any of that stuff, start there.
Benefits: This experience will allow you to practice: Self-Awareness, Discipline, Patience, Presence & Impulse Control. All traits of an incredibly meaningful, fulfilling & successful life.
According to scientific studies, it will also optimize your levels of dopamine & testosterone which will result in increased: Energy, Mood, Motivation, Confidence, Courage & Focus. All traits of highly valuable & successful men.
For my spiritual believers out there, it will also boost your creative power since you are transmuting creative life energy (sexual energy literally has the power to create life) into your goals & visions.
3- Focus on slow but steady progress.
Once you achieve that initial milestone, celebrate it. Get so much pleasure that you're almost sick of it & then raise the bar with +1 day. For example, if your last run was 4 days, schedule a moment in 5 days. Keep on raising the bar as you progress on your journey.
Remember, the goal is to feel in control & to progress. No matter what you do, make sure it's YOUR CHOICE. You are way better consciously masturbating every few days than unconsciously losing control & relapsing every few weeks. Trust me, your self-image will be thanking you.
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3- Why You Shouldn't Resist Watching P*rn (Focus On This Instead) |
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Would you feel ashamed or make others feel ashamed for watching a movie once in a while?
"No"
So why do you feel so ashamed about the idea of consuming pxrn once in a while?
"Oh, but it's different."
Really? What's so different about it?
"It’s unnatural" "Our brains weren’t designed for that level of cheap dopamine" "Our ancestors didn’t have access to that?" "It's a sin in the eyes of God"
You know what else is completely unnatural, overstimulating for our dopamine system, was inaccessible for our ancestors & can technically be a sin in the eyes of God if overused? Social media, television, video games & processed foods.
"Okay but pxrn is actually increasing shame, insecurity & perversion"
Pxrn isn’t the problem here. OVERINDULGENCE in pxrn is what creates these issues. Would you actually have these same problems if you truly only watched pxrn once every few weeks? What is your reason for wanting to quit pxrn? Isn’t it a feeling of being in control of your actions? Better confidence? More energy & motivation? A clearer & more peaceful mind? Aren’t those all internal states that can be achieved through the use of other tools such as self-education on the internet which your ancestors didn’t have access to either?
The point I’m trying to make here is that you'll never live like your ancestors did, & that’s okay. It’s called evolution. The shame & poor self-image you associate with consuming pxrn are exactly what’s keeping you trapped in the pxrn matrix.
Instead of demonizing modern civilization, appreciate the abundance of information you have access to. Since you’re a human & no human is superior to the laws of the universe, there is a certain balance that needs to be maintained. If you don’t do it consciously, life will make it happen unconsciously.
The craziest part about all of this is that I was the first to shame people out of watching pxrn, & I was wrong. We have been looking at it through a limited perspective this whole time. This perspective is actually what the pxrn industry has been feeding on. Shame, guilt, taboo, insecurity & isolation are all fuels for addiction. So here's...
The Real Meaning of Pxrn Addiction
If we want to heal from something, then we better be sure we’re talking about the same thing. Here’s my favorite & simplest definition of addiction, inspired by Dr Andrew Huberman, a world renowned neuroscientist & host of the # 1 health podcast in the world: addiction is a progressive narrowing of the things that give you pleasure. That’s it. And if we reverse engineer that definition, then enlightenment or freedom would be: a progressive widening of the things that give you pleasure. Addiction isn’t black & white. It’s not about being addicted or not, it’s HOW "addicted" you are. Or on the reverse side, how "enlightened" you are. It’s a spectrum that goes all the way from total addiction to total enlightenment. 99.99% of us are somewhere in between, & the goal is to move towards enlightenment. That’s what progress is.
So what does it really mean to heal from pxrn addiction? It means to make your life feel so blissful, to create such a wide range of stuff that gives you pleasure that it shrinks pxrn into irrelevance. The less space it takes in your consciousness, the better. That’s it. It’s not about breaking free one time, it’s about consistently moving towards the direction of enlightenment. It’s quite literally the journey of a lifetime. That means we have to fundamentally rewire our way of thinking, & that’s what I had to do when I was going through it as well. We tend to jump into the game of addiction recovery with the idea that we have to completely cut the behavior out of our lives, forever & ever, until we die, & we must do whatever it takes to get there, even if it means fighting it & resisting it on a daily basis.
But here’s the big problem with this approach. Not only does it fail to make it any less relevant, it makes it even more relevant! As Carl Jung famously said, "whatever you resist, persists." What I would add to that is that whatever you persist, you give more power to! Picture someone who’s truly free from any sort of attachment to pxrn. If you ask them “Have you ever been addicted to pxrn?” They won’t go “yeah man but I’m currently 185 days on the no fap timeline bro, I’ve reached the god level.” They would probably go “wait wtf do you mean? What is that? Could you even be addicted to pxrn?!” They just don’t give a f*ck. It’s completely irrelevant to them. They don’t care! That’s the level we want to get to. That’s when we have truly broken free from the grip of it. So here's...
How to heal from pxrn addiction for good:
#1- Know Your Outcome. Grab a piece of paper 0r open the "notes" app on your phone, put a 15 minute timer & note down all of the reasons why YOU have such a strong desire to heal from pxrn addiction. Not what you heard the red pill gurus say. Why does it matter for YOU?
#2- Incorporate intermittent semen retention into your life. If you haven't already, make sure to complete the previous exercises in "How to take back control over your life (without lying to yourself)"
#3- Grab that list of purpose habits & do more of that in between. If you haven't already, make sure to complete the previous exercises in "How to trick your brain to like doing hard stuff"
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I truly hope these principles empower you to break free from shame & heal from pxrn addiction for good. |
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Remember, our intention is to shrink pxrn into irrelevance. The more pleasure we get outside of pxrn, the better. The less space it takes in our consciousness, the better. It’s a journey in process, not a destination. Eliminate the root cause & freedom will happen naturally. I love y'all ❤️ |
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P.S. Whenever you're ready, there are 2 ways I can help you:
#1: If your favourite way to learn is by watching videos, I dive deeper into each one of these principles on my Youtube channel.
#2: If you're a man & you want to learn how to unlock your fullest potential instead of settling for cheap pleasure, join the Off Pxrn Academy right now.
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